They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
