Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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