I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
