Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
