There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
