I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
being pregnant is like rehab
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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