I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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