While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
