No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
