tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
