ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
