My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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