Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
