I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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