i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
