Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
