How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
