Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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