I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
