At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
