Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
