I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
