He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
