Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
