9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
