I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
