Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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