I wish I could teleport
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize