I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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