the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
