I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
