I could make wine with my vomit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
