oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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