I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
