Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
