At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
