remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
