Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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