Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
