oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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