You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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