i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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