winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
