girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize