i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
