Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
