nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
