i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
