i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize