So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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