I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
