clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
