he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
