why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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