At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
