He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize