idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
