physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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