Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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