It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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