I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
