Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Houston, we have a blender
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I believe in your delicious
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
