Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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