Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thus making me awesome and them whores
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
