just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
