there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the day after is always just damage control
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
