I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
