2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
