I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
