Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dignity is for republicans.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
