I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
