My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM VODKA MAN
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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