I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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