Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
