girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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