in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
