Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
