he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
