just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my being single is dangerous.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize