I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
