I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
