my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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