Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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