ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need moral support for this bender
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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