My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
