i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
