Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
