watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
