I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
