I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And then he peed in my hair
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