theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
