Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
