My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
