Tell her she can't have a vagina
I CAN MOONWALK!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
