just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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