So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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