Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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