i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
