so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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