I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
