I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
