I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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