I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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