My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
