If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I could make wine with my vomit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
